I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
