dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
