I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
