P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
