remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
