Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
