im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
are you so shy because you have an std?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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