Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh god it's open bar.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
