i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
