we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
