I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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