I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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