If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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