sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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