my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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