I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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