Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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