We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
