When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
