I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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