No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think your dad took our porno
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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