i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
