dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
