if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
