before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
