I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
