I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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