i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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