I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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