The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
