I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
