Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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