ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
