You smell like a Billy Joel song
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
