my being single is dangerous.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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