At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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