The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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