can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How external is "for external use only"?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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