my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
