Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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