we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
