Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
