bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
