It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
