I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
