Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We left the knife in your bed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
