Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
