shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
