I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
