I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
