I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
