I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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